Then you can go online afterwards and see how well you did against the rest of the world – who needs pillow talk anyway?
Do you spend most of your free time staring daggers at the “in a relationship” status on your one-true-love’s Facebook?
The main one being that you’re probably a fucking eagle-eyed psychopath to use it in the first place.
So you’ve tracked down future lovers on the road, Facebook and on your phone, but what about 30,000 feet in the air?
If the person you’ve swiped is also feeling Heavenly or Sinful to match you, then you’ve got yourself a match made in Heaven (sorry).
You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.
Using the microphone and ‘accelerometer’ to determine an accurate score, the app claims “All you have to do is start the application, put your i Phone on the bed, in an arm band, or even in your pocket and have intercourse, it is as easy as that.
Once you are finished, press the stop button and view your results.” Romantic.
Lickmyapp requires no download and encourages users to improve their oral skills with a choice of three different games, you can flick a light switch on and off, turn a crank or go freestyle – where you bounce a beach ball. You also have to remember to wrap your phone for protection first because it’s supposedly crawling with bacteria, yuck.
Platewave bills itself as “the social network for UK drivers” and lets you message anyone, as long as you’ve got their vehicle registration number.