Try to keep each other up to date as to how the relationship is going for each of you, but without increasing pressure to have stuff resolved right now.
It is also good to remind yourself that, although you are impacted by his behaviour, it is not all about you.
Sometimes, it is only when things aren’t playing out the way that you hoped for that you identify what you most value and appreciate about relationships and what you want from a partner.
This then provides an opportunity to talk and confirm there is a shared vision that you can both work towards. I always thought that if he loved me enough he would stop doing those things – now I can see that it was his way of switching off and although I still don’t like it and want him to change, at least I can see it for what it is” A man’s, and possibly even your own, sense of shame around what happened, the effects, and fear of other people’s reactions or judgments.
The behaviours listed above might have developed as a direct result of being sexually abused, or in an effort to manage the trauma.
They should not be seen as evidence of a damaged person.
Whether you or your partner was sexually abused or not, this will always be the case.
It can be useful to talk and understand how this behaviour developed, the reason behind it and how it has become a habit.
Some behaviours that may have worked for a while or in particular circumstances can overstay their welcome.
He might do this with the idea that this will help stop things from getting worse, or that it might help keep his partner safe. Understand that in all relationships there are times for togetherness and there are times where a little space is welcome.
It is good to regularly check in with a partner to see how they are travelling.