Where a partner once wanted to spend lots of time and energy in the relationship (very different than the parents who were always too busy); now the partner is quiet, pre-occupied, unavailable (very much like the family of origin).
Where a husband or wife was, in the Romantic Phase, kind and respectful and listening; now in the Power Struggle Phase, he or she becomes impatient, authoritative, unresponsive -- again somehow familiar from childhood or teen experiences. At some point there is often the panicky thought, "What have I done? " Or it could be Dad or grandparent or older brother or sister, or step-parent or minister, etc -- the ones I've had trouble with".
While this is not a universal experience and while the intensity and precision of the this experience varies greatly, this is a very, very common and "normal" experience in intimate, committed relationships. One way is what happens to couples who sort of "do what comes naturally".
The other way (and I'm afraid it is the Road Less Traveled) is what we hope will happen for couples who choose to try to understand what is happening in intimate, committed relationships and who choose to do the necessary "work" of the relationship. This is where almost fifty per cent of all married couples divorce.
While most parents are loathe to acknowledge it, the painful truth is that children require a lot of energy as do jobs and careers.We are given a taste of the potential of the relationship, but unfortunately, it is a chemically induced taste and cannot and should not last forever.The enchantment stage will gradually evolve in the next stage -- the Power Struggle Stage.There is truly something wonderful about this first phase of being in love.In the "enchantment" phase there is a lot of laughter, playfulness, affection and sexual energy.